Not David Husband

SA Movie a Hit at the Box Office

2009-09-03T07:40:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, Hollywood has finally produced a big SA movie. It's a box office leader and rated #35 on IMDB's list of best movies ever. I, for one, found it to be a thoroughly accurate depiction of the sound and the fury that is SA. If you haven't already, go see Inglorious Basterds!

-KY

2010 Presidential Forecast

2009-03-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

At this point, our SA-Doppler radar is calling for Ruzic with a chance of Felitto next year, but with a Brown-Fallon front coming in from the midwest and the southeast. Students are advised to travel with an umbrella at all times, though I don't know why.

-KY

Kyrios Posting Service a Tremendous Success (Again)

2009-03-26T18:26:00.001-07:00

For the second year in a row, all candidates who hired former Elections Commission Chairman and crack posting mercenary Alex Kyrios won their elections except for one. Last year, both Hopkins-Pilchen and Rosen-Nuñez took advantage of his services; obviously, both could not have won. Our condolences to Carlos Quintela, who really deserved to win. Unfortunately, we don't remember exactly how many clients Kyrios had last year, but that's an 88% win percentage this year. Congratulations to Senators and Senators-elect Gillingham, Matini, Jorquera, Manning, Felitto, Olszewski, as well as President-elect Tsidulko, on their wins!

-KY

NDH Predicts It First

2009-03-26T18:14:00.001-07:00

Ruzic as SA President next year.

-KY

Explanation for Interruption in Coverage

2009-03-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

Friends,

Shortly after my last post, Erik Houser found me and assaulted me. I am currently in the hospital and I -- nah. I just fell asleep around noon and just woke up. It looks like I never did get to either endorse or vote for SA President and Vice President. Just as well! I hated most of the ideas both of the tickets had. It's a good thing I'm a senior and won't be around long enough to see how badly the eventual winner destroys the school. As for the rest of you... save yourselves!

-KY

Erik Houser - a big ol' fraud

2009-03-26T07:25:00.000-07:00

As obnoxious as the top ticket race has been, no candidate has grated the nerves of us here at NDH than one Erik Houser, who's making another run for a senate seat in the Class of 2010. You've seen his flyers: he's the one striking silly poses above trite quotations about living life to the fullest or racing or some shit. He has also claimed a campaign keyword, much like Barack Obama's "hope" and "change" -- it's "apathy." Apathy? Say, readers, why would an apathetic person run for office? (Twice?) We would also like to know how any government-public policy major (according to facebook) would ever be apathetic towards even mock government.

We'll give the devil his due; Houser's facebook group is damn funny. It's also a smart sendup of the empty promises and ritualistic gestures of your standard SA campaign. NDH tips its hat to the humor. Problem is, there is every indication that Houser will shed this shtick like... like... oh, I'm out of metaphors at the moment. Please supply your own.

If we thought for a moment that Houser would continue to play the jester in office (and regrettably, we do fully expect him to win in this small race), he would probably earn our endorsement. If you have any doubt as to his true intentions, look at his own group. The other four candidates in that race -- friendly, upstanding gentlemen all -- created a communal group for their four candidacies. At the prospect of being left out of the club, Houser collapses into hysterics. He betrays himself by including his shrill response that Mssrs. Dunleavey, Gillingham, Nelson, and Newman so generously removed.

In conversation, I've been referring to Houser as a Trojan horse. Unfortunately, the Trojan Horse worked.

-KY

Endorsements

2009-03-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

It's time for the long-anticipated NDH endorsements for all competitive SA races! No candidates sat down with NDH, but that's fine, because we know damn well what we want.

SA President and Vice President: Just kidding. At this time, NDH is not prepared to make an endorsement in this race. We may not make one at all. This issue will be explored in depth in subsequent posts.

2010 President: Alyssa Wallace
2010 Senate: Jim Dunleavey, Ross Gillingham, Steven Nelson, Eric Newman

2011 Senate: Ben Brown, Brittany Fallon, Juan Jorquera, Imad Matini

2012 President: Kobie Gordon
2012 VPA: [pending]*
2012 Treasurer: Xiaoyu Guo
2012 Secretary: no preference
2012 Senate: Stef Felitto, Tom Flaherty, Betty Jeanne Manning, Carlos Quintela

Newspaper referendum: No
Artificial turf referendum: No
Irrigation referendum: Yes
Onion referendum: No
Prayer room referendum: Yes

*Our endorsement in the 2012 VPA race hinges upon Steph Kumah's soccer preferences. We understand she is from England and will judge her on that category.

-KY

2009 SA Elections Coverage on NDH

2009-03-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

Not David Husband will be blogging throughout the day, as the spirit moves us, on topics related to today's general election. Hit refresh often, and don't forget to vote!

-KY

Beware: Flat Hat Imitator is Not Not David Husband!

2009-03-26T06:30:00.000-07:00

It has come to the attention of NDH that an unscrupulous individual making comments on The Flat Hat's site under the name of Not David Husband. Please be aware that this commenter is not affiliated with NDH. NDH's chief blogger, Alex Kyrios, always posts under his own name.

It was only a matter of time before people tried to capitalize on NDH's success; Russ Zerbo's dreadful, banal blog was quite bad enough.

-KY

Happy Birthday, David Husband!

2009-03-22T14:52:00.000-07:00

NDH's birthday was yesterday, but DH's birthday is today. If you see the real David Husband, please wish him a pleasant 22nd. And David, from all of us here at Not David Husband, happy birthday and sláinte!

-KY

NDH Celebrates Its First Anniversary

2009-03-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

Loyal Readers,

Can you believe NDH has been around for an entire year, delivering the most incisive, intelligent SA commentary on a regular basis? Yesterday was our first anniversary. Thanks for reading!

-KY

Internal Affairs

2008-12-11T08:09:00.001-08:00

According to facebook, there's romance brewing amongst the freshman class officers! President Kobie Gordon and Treasurer Xiaoyu Guo are now listed as in a relationship. NDH congratulates the new First Couple of the Class of 2012 and wishes them the best.

-KY

SA News: The Semester in Review

2008-11-23T13:52:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers,

It's been a busy semester for many of us here at Not David Husband. And it's been a busy semester for the SA so far.

Not two weeks after the NDH post on speculation as to who in the Student Assembly Senator (now President-elect) Barack Obama would tap as his vice presidential candidate, one of his prospective partners became mired in scandal. Former SA president, vice president, and senator Zach Pilchen '09 resigned upon the revelation that he had mistakenly engaged in personal use of SA funds over the summer. Wawa and the New Town movie theater were beneficiaries of this money, which was raised in SA fundraisers like refrigerator and microwave rentals. (On a surprise note, Obama ended up tapping an obscure US senator, Joe Biden, who seems to have no connection whatsoever to the SA.)
After Pilchen offered his apologies to the student body and left his position as SA vice president, President Valerie Hopkins ('09) appointed then-Vice President for Advocacy Kristin Slawter ('09) to succeed Pilchen as SA vice president. Slawter was speedily confirmed by the Senate, garnering praise for Hopkins for her pick of a smart, experienced woman. Many had also worried that Hopkins would choose a rising star in the SA, effectively trying to appoint her own successor. The largely apolitical Slawter pick reassured those onlookers as to President Hopkins's concern for the student body over petty politics.
The freshman class (2012) elected its first slate of class officers and senators. They elected President Kobie Gordon, VPA Jackie Stykes, Vice President for Social Affairs Nicole Skarpness, Secretary Stephanie McGuire, and Treasurer Xiaoyu Guo. Joining the Clown Show were Ben Battaglia, Stef Felitto, Tom Flaherty, and Betty Jeanne Manning. I don't really know these kids. I know that Manning is a nice young woman prone to philosophical musings. And I met Flaherty at a party but I don't remember anything about him except his very Irish name, which I like but I didn't need to meet him in person to get.
Meanwhile, senior class President Kevin Dua ('09) appoi -- oh wait. He didn't appoint anyone to fill the spot of Kristin Slawter. This neglect of Dua's constitutional duties leaves the senior class without its second most important class officer. By default, VPSA Samantha Fien-Helfman is next in the line of succession. Apparently, by strength of charisma and the ludicrously high number of "co-chairs" of the Senior Class Gift committee (at last count, somewhere around 76), Dua expects the Class of 2009 to perform to potential while shorthanded in the Senior Class Gift fundraiser. Well. It's a good thing the College isn't short on money or anything.
The Senate has probably done some things, but I haven't heard of them. I take that back. They voted to spend almost a thousand dollars in student money to stock the campus with paper copies of The Onion. Now don't get me wrong, we at NDH love The Onion, but we don't love paying for things we can get for free. So thank you to Senator Ben Brown ('11) for spending my money on that. Hey Senator Brown, the next time you're writing a bill, could you pick me up some, oh, I don't know, air or something? Thanks.
To my knowledge, the Undergraduate Council has not done things, and if it has, I haven't heard of them. That's probably okay, since the Council never does anything to begin with. And hey, cut them some slack -- they're working shorthanded here.
Negotiations between the SA and the City of Williamsburg over the three-person rule broke down when an anonymous SA member leaked to The Flat Hat the details of the City's proposed revisions. The City's new and "improved" three-person rule would allow a fourth unrelated person in a home, provided the house met size restrictions and its occupants consented to investigations upon demand to check on compliance with the new rule. It seems the informant, recognizing how poor the deal was, meant to derail the negotiations on purpose in so leaking. We at NDH salute him or her for not allowing the City to pull one over on the student body.
Through covert "nonpartisan" action, the SA rigged the US presidential election in Williamsburg for Barack Obama. And I'm glad they did!
I remembered something else the Senate did. President Hopkins finally corrected her predecessor's negligence in failing to appoint a complete Review Board, in an attempt to prevent checks and balances on his power, by elevating Associate Justice Billy Mutell ('09) to the Chief Justice position. And the Senate confirmed him. The Senate also confirmed Hopkins's appointments for three new associate justices, Sammy Hamididdin ('09), Cecilia Hylton ('12), and Tristan Leavitt (Law '11).
Since their first day of orientation (if not before), certain members of the Classes of 2010 and 2011 have been anticipating and plotting for the 2009 SA general election. NDH will, of course, be your source for gossip, chatter, and rumblings about that election. Stay tuned for more posts. The short version? The leading contenders for the presidential spot are Senators Ross Gillingham ('10) and Sarah Rojas ('10). Both of these candidates were predicted over 8 months ago in NDH's inaugural post. However, NDH has heard little to no chatter about class President Ali Snell ('10) necessarily on Rojas's ticket. You can bet we'll be the first to let you know if anyone even thinks of it!

And that's the story so far. NDH is back, baby.

Stay tuned for your chance to donate to NDH via PayPal to support our ongoing public outreach and information services!

Lovingly,

Obama VP Speculation

2008-08-22T20:57:00.001-07:00

Oh yes, Not David Husband is getting a piece of the action. Barack Obama will announce his vice presidential nominee selection tomorrow, and inspiration has struck your fair correspondent. Without further ado, NDH will weigh the pros and cons and of some possible picks.

Valerie Hopkins ('09): Hopkins will bring some executive experience to the ticket, and she might placate jilted Hillary supporters - you know, radically belligerent feminists - by providing feminine presence. Of course, since in today's political terminology those women termed "feminists" in these contexts seem to show hatred at the idea of a woman other than Hillary (such as Kathleen Sebelius) getting this honor, Hopkins might only exacerbate the PUMAs. While she has a term of VP service already completed at the SA level, she's just getting started at the presidency and as such opens the ticket up to further inexperience criticism from John McCain.
Zach Pilchen ('09): Pilchen can show Obama a thing or two about moving to the center for a general election. Remember his long hair and his vocal support for gender-blind housing? Yeah, neither do I. Right now, there are still some disgruntled leftists aching about Obama's alleged betrayal of "progressives" (remember, kids - every time you call yourself a "progressive" instead of being proud of being a "liberal," a conservative gets his wings) and surely the Senator could use Pilchen's jiu-jitsu, whatever it is. Having already served as SA president, Pilchen brings much-needed experience to the ticket - though at the same time, he threatens to overshadow the junior senator from Illinois. I can see the ads now: Spears! Obama! Hilton! Pilchen!
Matt Beato ('09): Oops! This one goes under the "McCain VP Speculation" post.
Matt Pinsker ('09): Can two fledgling senators win the White House and the Naval Observatory (where the Vice President lives, kids!) together? Pinsker is a true Virginian, unlike the Beltway trash Pilchen and Hopkins. While the freshman Pinsker would have been a more logical partner for, say, David Duke or Alan Keyes, college has opened Pinsker's mind sufficiently that he might consider lending his talents to Obama. Possessing both military and cheerleading experience (like John Kerry and George Bush combined), Pinsker can bring an eclectic approach to the job. And he's Jewish! Hey, don't look at me like that. If a voter is turned off by a black guy at the top of the ticket, he's not going to care about a Jew on the bottom. All this will do is reassure those old Jewish voters in Florida, whose senility rivals McCains, under the impression that Obama is a communist Nazi Muslim pederast... gypsy. What was I saying?
Ross Gillingham ('10): Obama has long looked to Gillingham's inspirational debut in SA politics as a lodestar to his own political rise. It is only natural that Obama is reportedly considering honoring his role model with a place on his ticket. Even if Obama-Gillingham goes on to lose, the latter still has the option of running for the SA presidency a few months later. But is Gillingham willing to go into the fight after being crippled in such a high-profile loss? Time will tell. At any rate, a Gillingham pick also has an obvious geographic rationale, since he could help bring his home state of Ohio into the Democratic column.
Sarah Rojas ('10): Sure, Obama-Rojas could sweep any beauty pageant, if there's such a thing as couples beauty pageants. Probably not, as they'd probably just make everyone watching them jealous. But I guess that's a little off topic. Rojas might be more of a defensive pick. If Obama's worried about losing Jersey (since every election year Jersey likes to taunt Republicans with the thought that they'll go red, even though that will never, ever happen), he might pick Rojas to hold it. If he's worried about Latinos, who largely favored Hillary over him in the primaries but now strongly back him over McCain, there's that too. She's also a woman (see: Hopkins) and Jewish (see: Pinsker), strictly speaking. Well, she's definitely a woman. You don't think of her as Jewish, but her mom is, and that's what matters for real Jews. I just wanted to clarify that I do not question Senator Rojas's femininity. Anyway, a Rojas pick can help to mollify aggrieved Hillaristas, but comes with the downside of opening up the ticket to the perception that it's just two pretty faces.
At this point, for diversity's sake, I was going to get on facebook to grab the name of a random incoming freshman (Class of 2012). I didn't want to actually base my analysis on their information, since that would be stalking, and instead was going to make up funny shit about them a la Chuck Norris facts. "If you do not vote for [Obama-Freshman], they will take power." Except it would have been better than that. Right now I'm tired. I was literally about to kneel by my bedside to say my prayers (no, really) before bed when inspiration struck me and I had to come downstairs to write this. So I'm not in prime form to quasi-stalk a random freshman. Ideally I would have slept on the whole thing so I could fine-tune it, expand it, etc. but the topic becomes untimely at some point tomorrow morning while I'm at work. So enjoy, loyal readers/suckers. NDH is back, baby.

Stay tuned for your chance to donate to NDH via PayPal to support our ongoing public outreach and information services!

Lovingly,

The Beato Campaign and the SA

2008-04-16T17:33:00.000-07:00

Hello again!

I didn't give up on NDH, fellow Tribesmen; Blogspot had this blog tagged as spam for a few weeks and locked it. I've been encouraged to update since, but I've realized I don't know enough 2011s well enough to try to read into their presidential ambitions. I have a good enough read on the reelected Senators (Douglass, Fallon, and Brown) but otherwise hope someone will share some insights before I do that post. For now, digression. Enjoy!

Beato and the SA
Part I
We all behold with envious Eyes,
Our Equal rais'd above our Size;
Who wou'd not at a crowded Show,
Stand high himself, keep others low?
I love my Friend as well as you,
But would not have him stop my View,

As the election for Williamsburg City Council heats up, it's worth taking a look at the relationship between the Matt Beato campaign and the Student Assembly. Just as John McCain has to walk a fine line in trumpeting his lengthy experience in Washington with his intentions to change the establishment, so does Beato have to find a way to market his extensive SA experience as an asset while distancing himself from some of its members and policies which townies would find objectionable.

So let's start this meditation with an incontrovertible fact: Almost everyone in the SA harbors an interest in serving in real government one day. This is just logical. Why be a part of mock government otherwise? To be sure, there's a spectrum - ranging from those who would love to be in real government but know they never will (such as myself) to those who are already on the threshold of real government (Matt Beato) - but it's difficult to find an SA member that doesn't fit in there somewhere, at least the elected officials.

I have many thoughts in this train and not a ton of time right now, so I'm going to leave you with some food for thought to mull over until the next post. A silent phenomenon has developed in which some SA members, even those close to Beato, have grown subtly but surely envious of him. Some of this envy borders on bitterness.

Each of the parts in the Beato and the SA series will have, as an epigraph, a few lines from Verses on the Death of Dr. Swift, a satiric poem by Jonathan Swift that imagines his friends' reactions to his own death. Before pondering that event, though, Swift makes some biting commentary on the human tendency to resent friends outdoing us - commentary which fits the current situation perfectly. Here's the full text of it online if you want to read further and spoil the coming epigraphs. Props to Professor Brett Wilson for the course that I discovered this great work in.

Until next time!
-KY

2009 SA Presidential Watch

2008-03-21T18:08:00.000-07:00

Hey Tribesmen,

First of all, a hearty welcome to Not David Husband, the first blog dedicated to SA punditry. As an outgoing Senator I would like to think I can provide an outsider's prespective. As the name implies I am not David Husband (the title plays off of the "Not Larry Sabato" blog and pays affectionate homage to the first SA pundit) - I am Alex Kyrios, former member and chairman of the Elections Commission, outgoing Senator from the Class of 2009. That's all I feel like saying by way of introduction.

Looking Forward to 2009
It's never too early to think about next year's general election, even this year's was just yesterday. All the more appropriate since this year's contest offered little to satisfy the taste of true political junkies. Popular incumbents just trounced two relatively unknown transfer students. Yawn. (Some of the lower races were more interesting, but more on that later.) So why not tune your ears to the muted hummings of ambition and start to ponder whose smiling faces you may see staring at you from the top of the ballot when you log onto SIN next year.

Class of 2010
Next year's junior class will be a ripe picking ground for SA presidential and vice presidential candidates. There are quite a few young men and women who would have already given it a shot this year if the incumbents hadn't decided to go for reelection. So without further ado, in alphabetical order, here are Not David Husband's first-second predictions:

Ryan Eickel: Some newer students may not even be aware that the SA presidency was once a Delta Phi dynasty, and not so long ago. Ryan Scofield '07 closed it out, as D-Phi didn't run anyone last year, though Brad Potter '08 and Brett Phillips '08 looked to seek that inheritance for Beta. Don't think for a second that Eickel's fraternity isn't thinking of this as well. Ryan, for his part, just barely got reelected for next year, after a commanding second place to put him in the Senate last year, and an extremely close second place for the first 2010 presidential contest in Fall 2006. The infamous class-wide email to 2010 that went out yesterday lambasting Eickel along with fellow incumbents Sarah Rojas and Orlando Watson may have diminished his aura, but a source reports that Eickel saw the email as a "wake-up call." He also seems to be stirring from inactivity in the Senate, having brought up the idea of national newspapers in dorms at the last meeting. Watch him well - D-Phi may yet provide us with a second Ryan.

Ross Gillingham: Absurd as the idea of an AEPi dynasty for the SA presidency is, it's also plausible (assuming you accept the Hopkins-Pilchen concept of the "co-presidency). Ross shocked SA onlookers by finishing a clear first place in yesterday's Senate election, garnering damn near two thirds of all votes cast. Prognosticators were placing him anywhere between 3rd or 5th - perhaps the 2010 email helped push him above even Sarah Rojas, who had been the strongest Senate candidate the SA has seen since Matt Beato. Ross is far and away the least ambitious on this list, but if he wakes up and/or gets the right team around him, he may set his sights appropriately high. Don't underestimate the fact that Ross is a genuinely likeable guy - think Zach Pilchen or Valerie Hopkins but with less ego. Are these words premature for someone just elected to the Senate? I don't know. Ask Barack Obama.

Sarah Rojas & Ali Snell: I'll discuss these two together because there's a lot of overlap here. A highly credible source tells NDH that Ali and Rojas have openly discussed the idea of a joint campaign, though they are unsure who would go in which slot. (For our part, NDH thinks Snell-Rojas is the no-brainer, given Snell's executive experience and Rojas's understanding of the Senate.) If Ross is the Obama analogue here, Ali and Rojas together are the Hillary. Until recently such a ticket sounded positively unbeatable - inevitable, even. Yesterday may have been the first chink in that armor. While Rojas is humble enough to have a healthy skepticism going into elections, her first two Senate wins were commanding. But for her third run, she didn't put up any fliers and only used a facebook event instead of a group - clearly not in high-gear as far as campaigning goes. It shouldn't be too surprising that the driven, enthusiatic Ross was able to beat her. Until yesterday, both Ali and Rojas had finished first in all of their elections. Ali has been class president from the get-go and won an intense race that first time around, but she hasn't faced a challenger yet. If these two are to take the SA's top jobs, they'll need to make sure they give the campaign their all. No more free rides.

2010 Dark Horses
Of course, SA presidents and vice presidents don't always come from elected office; witness Valerie herself. Needless to say such candidates are difficult to predict, but don't think NDH won't try. Further suggestions from those who know the class better than I are welcome as well. Orlando Watson would have been in the above list had I written this two days ago. Then, in the wake of low marks on the Flat Hat's report card and the 2010 email, he became the only Senator this cycle to fail a reelection bid. The fact that he did no campaigning makes it seem unlikely he would be part of a successful ticket. But don't write him off yet, especially if Valerie finds a place for him in her cabinet.

Roxanne Lepore, the outgoing Vice President for Advocacy, stepped out - she did not step down. She's going to study abroad and may not yet have written off the idea. From early on last year, Zach Pilchen envisioned Rox and Rojas succeeding him and Valerie, but if Rojas is talking with Snell these days, that dream may be past.

Last but not least, Steven Nelson is just crazy enough to try. I'll be the first to say that he won't be happy with how much he can get done against the WMPD in the Senate, and he may begin to look higher.

Well then. I had every intention of continuing on to the Class of 2011, but I think I've written enough for now. I'll give you kiddos something to look forward to for the next post - needless to say, coming when I feel like it. Feel free to leave me some feedback in the comments, or send hate mail directly to ackyri@wm.edu. Thanks for reading the first post of Not David Husband - catch you cats later.

-KY